she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
