She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
