bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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