Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
