So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
