I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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