Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
