So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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