yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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