I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it's like heaven, but drunker
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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