I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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