remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
