Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
