we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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