I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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