By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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