I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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