I'm so fucking centered right now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
