She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
