I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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