He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
