U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
