I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
