it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
