my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
