Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
