dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
