im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
