Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
