I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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