Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
