Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
