i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
