there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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