I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my phone needs a breathalizer
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
