we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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