just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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