my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you had me at cake vodka
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
