tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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