so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
