So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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