member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
