You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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