Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
