So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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