I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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