You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
