just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
