I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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