yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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