I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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