I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
