dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
