Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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